You see, cross country's been drawing to a close, and I've been with this program for four years. Not once have I gone to the state meet. Coach only takes the top 7 runners and an alternate, along with four-year seniors. However, for whatever reason, I only ran for a few weeks my freshman year, so technically, I wasn't a four-year senior.
Since I wanted my last year to be the one I went to state, I worked hard. I set goals, I ran my guts out. I did everything I needed to do to get to state. At one meet I placed 17th and got a medal. At Regionals I ran Varsity.
However this Monday, Coach told us who was on the state team, and despite running good times, despite working so hard, I ended up as the 9th runner on my team, just below the alternate.
That was it. I had given it my all and it wasn't enough. I wasn't good enough. My best just wasn't where it needed to be. All these other boys got where they were on natural talent. I didn't have that, and there was no more I could give to become where I needed to be.
And if this whole ordeal wasn't bad enough, at the same time, I had been fighting something for some time. I'd rather not get into that, but it was similar. Something personal that no matter how much I tried, no matter how much I worked, it wasn't enough. I would never be good enough to reach my goal. I would never be truly happy.
Now this is a terrible story, until you realize where I am right now. At a hotel in Sheridan, Wyoming. The city the state cross country meet will be held.
You see, after Coach announced who will be running at state, and talking to the JV runners who didn't make it, I figured that was it. Until Coach asked me to stay a little longer.
I thought that he'd talk to me about how much I had worked. About how the other boy had just worked harder. But that wasn't it.
He said I was so close to being a four-year senior. I was only a few weeks off. He couldn't justify leaving me home because of a few weeks, and decided to take me anyway.
As I ran that day for the workout, I found it hard to control my emotions. I feel unworthy of it. I mean, I hadn't made it. I didn't work hard enough to deserve it. But I would be going.
I felt something tell me that it was the same with that thing I had been fighting. I had tried my best, and that was enough.
The grace of God is an amazing thing. I've felt that for the first time this week, a true understanding of it. It is by grace we are saved after all we can do, and I am so grateful for that.
Would I like to run? Sure, if two of our runners go out, I will. But I'm glad I'm here. I glad that I was lucky enough to go. Emotions have been rampant recently. I can think of only one time I've had more on my mind, and that was for good reason.
I am so grateful that God was merciful enough to let me come to state, as well as help me through my trials. I love God for everything He's done for me, and I can feel his love. The kind of love that a father has for his son.
I might have to keep running after high school so I can keep learning things about life. But hey, that's just a thought.
-Nathaniel
However this Monday, Coach told us who was on the state team, and despite running good times, despite working so hard, I ended up as the 9th runner on my team, just below the alternate.
That was it. I had given it my all and it wasn't enough. I wasn't good enough. My best just wasn't where it needed to be. All these other boys got where they were on natural talent. I didn't have that, and there was no more I could give to become where I needed to be.
And if this whole ordeal wasn't bad enough, at the same time, I had been fighting something for some time. I'd rather not get into that, but it was similar. Something personal that no matter how much I tried, no matter how much I worked, it wasn't enough. I would never be good enough to reach my goal. I would never be truly happy.
Now this is a terrible story, until you realize where I am right now. At a hotel in Sheridan, Wyoming. The city the state cross country meet will be held.
You see, after Coach announced who will be running at state, and talking to the JV runners who didn't make it, I figured that was it. Until Coach asked me to stay a little longer.
I thought that he'd talk to me about how much I had worked. About how the other boy had just worked harder. But that wasn't it.
He said I was so close to being a four-year senior. I was only a few weeks off. He couldn't justify leaving me home because of a few weeks, and decided to take me anyway.
As I ran that day for the workout, I found it hard to control my emotions. I feel unworthy of it. I mean, I hadn't made it. I didn't work hard enough to deserve it. But I would be going.
I felt something tell me that it was the same with that thing I had been fighting. I had tried my best, and that was enough.
The grace of God is an amazing thing. I've felt that for the first time this week, a true understanding of it. It is by grace we are saved after all we can do, and I am so grateful for that.
Would I like to run? Sure, if two of our runners go out, I will. But I'm glad I'm here. I glad that I was lucky enough to go. Emotions have been rampant recently. I can think of only one time I've had more on my mind, and that was for good reason.
I am so grateful that God was merciful enough to let me come to state, as well as help me through my trials. I love God for everything He's done for me, and I can feel his love. The kind of love that a father has for his son.
I might have to keep running after high school so I can keep learning things about life. But hey, that's just a thought.
-Nathaniel
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